I’m here. It’s cold and my will is starting to wane. My food supply holds no appeal to me at this time. The only thing I hear are the sweets in the cupboard taunting me. Already, I’m experiencing odd reflexes of my hands. I see a bowl of food and my hand lunges towards it. Sometimes I catch it mid-air, other times it nearly makes it to my mouth with the contraband food.
Hallucinations have set in. Everywhere I turn I see Twix and Snickers.
I hear the cries of the unused coffee pot on my counter.
The finger foods are plotting an invasion later.
I feel unusual shifts in my moods. I woke up with such hope for this season but now the winter frost has set in. I can’t take it anymore! Why did I give up chocolate?! Am I nuts?! And fasting between meals–my stomach groans at the very smell of my neighbor’s bacon and sausage breakfast.
I’m not sure when the next round of temptation will occur but it’s likely to get worse every Friday for the next forty days.
Facebook has never held so much appeal as a distraction as of now. If only I could access it more than once a day! Ugh! How will I know if I’m as hilariously funny and ridiculously good looking as I think I am if I can’t see how many ‘likes’ I’ve gotten?!
My mind doesn’t know what to do with itself. Less television, less internet, and there are these strange paper things that have been sitting on my shelves for ages. They have words all over them. Strange names adorn the by-lines like, “St. Maria Faustina”, “Dr. Edward Sri”, “Dr. Brant Pitre”, “St. Mary of Agreda”, “Pope St. John Paul the Great” and “Bible”. These names, I’ve heard them before. But it is becoming harder and harder to remember the last time I read something from them. These books also speak to me, I will keep you posted when I answer.
At Church, priests talk about ‘sacrifice’ ‘prayer’ ‘almsgiving’ and being joyful in sacrificing and drawing closer to Jesus. How can I do this when I have so many things to do? I mean, the time I did have is now consumed with dreams of bacon wrapped hotdogs served with a Mike’s hard lemonade and a large hot fudge sundae. They tell me to read, to pray, to accept this quietness that is now around me. Withdrawl is naturally difficult, it will take time to wean myself of the noise of life. Perhaps those heavy bound paper things will help me.
This strange blog page keeps appearing. I can’t help it, I have to write. When I do, I am oddly at peace. Perhaps this Lent won’t be so hard after all.
Pray for me and I will pray for you.
I can only hope to make it through the night of Lent to the light of Easter.
God be with you in your Lenten sacrifices,
Lent is hard.
Every year we give up certain pleasures under the guise of ‘sacrifice’. But does giving up chocolate really get me closer to heaven? At times, yes. Every sacrifice, big and small has an effect on our souls. A small sacrifice is like a pebble being dropped into a lake, a large is like a boulder. Lent is here not to annoy us or to make less chocoholics in the world for 40days. It is here to draw us deeper into God’s grace.
Like this past week’s Gospel, we see Jesus get into Simon’s boat and instruct him to go out into the deep. That is what Lent is about, God taking our boats out into the deep. The catch is, we have to be willing to let him in the boat. To tell us where to go. And to follow His guidance.
Sacrifice without a purpose is like a boat without a rudder.
If chocolate is a true addiction which harms you, your family and those around you, then by all means give it up. It is a means of distracting you from Jesus, absolutely, throw it out the window. But if you do, don’t walk around groaning and mourning the loss of your precious sacrifice.
What is the point of sacrifice? In life, it is often to show love. We give things up so others around us won’t have to.
Example: My son has been saving up for everything PAW Patrol. He earns money and he pays me for his newest item once he hits the set price. The price I set is at least half of what the item actually costs. I want to give him things but I want him to earn them. I love seeing his face light up when he earns something new or when I surprise him with a ‘raise’ because he has been such a good boy.
I give up the money I have saved to buy PAW patrol things that I know he probably won’t care about a year from now.
Because I love him, I love his little face, I love seeing him jump up and down and get so excited. I love the hugs, the broad smile and giddy laughter. I-love-him. I give up sleep for his baby sister, I give up my food to his little brother and I give up some of my material wants for him. Why? Because I love him. The sacrifices don’t seem so bad when I think about the person they are for.
This is no different then Lent. Why do we give things up or go out of our way to do more? Because we love Jesus. Period. If we love Jesus we will want to give more, lose more, pay more, etc. Because He is worth it.
So, no matter your chosen Lenten sacrifice, just make sure of one thing: You’re doing it for the one you love, for Jesus. Because no matter what you chose, you won’t be able to out do His Lenten sacrifice-the Cross. He gave His life for you. Give Him your twix, your coffee, your cigarette, your spare change, your unused clothes, your attentiveness, your extra prayers, your time. This Lent, get to know Jesus!